Day One
Shower, shave
Share my learnings
Over coffee with Dad
“The world is an illusion of walls
Constructed by our experiences
And the recognition that we have no control
Have never had control
Will never have control”, I say.
And step out the front door
On the waterfront
Into luminescence
Light I’ve never seen
Trees radiating
Paradise, our natural state, upon me, enveloping me
The birds, above, below all around
Symphony from the trees
Singing Eve’s song
One bird, never heard before
Sang notes
From before time
Before existence
They reached my ears, reset my eyesight
Allowed the observer to awaken
Nothing will ever be the same
Friction
Friction is a force in the opposite direction pulling against an object
The object
Your life
Frictionless flow created by effortless actions take effort converted from energy
That action is the only effort you can take
Met with resistance
With friction
Reconsider
A different action may be required
Or no action
Because with every blink of our eye, we make a new decision
And no decision is a decision not to decide
To take no action
To be
Security Within
Words were dropped in the center of our universe and I was lucky enough to hear them
The moment. The center. The cradle of security of safety for
Me
Uttered wife
Floating
My being accepted their truth for a moment
Let them transform me for a moment
Now I am grasping for that moment
The moment I stop reaching for it…it will find me
Being
I am
I am me
I am the me that inhabits this body
I am not only the thinker that is the me that inhabits this body
I am the me that inhabits this body
I am me
I am
Where We Are
Our minds scream for transcendence
They beg our bodies to follow the roadside billboards leading us to the mystics and masters
Only then the minds suffering becomes so great it’s Gollum spittering in the bowels of the mountains of our bodies repeating the same thoughts and to do lists incessantly
Scraping bodies along water slicked rock and Earth and despair
Drugs are a crutch
They allow the escapism that is transcendence but fleetingly and with a horrible back lash
The Beatles when they wrote the walrus weren’t on drugs, they had transcended
But drugs are easier of a story to tell
Easier of a way to get THERE
because our minds all scream for transcendence
“My precious my thoughts-my repetitive incessant shackle creating prison bar making thoughts”
But they are not mine
The mistake I constantly make
They are my minds
Mine come and go as I bid them
Inadequacy
I placed my words on yellow Notepad
Block letters I AM INADEQUATE
And placed them face up in a river
At the intersection of Nature and City
Cars rushing past over bridge
Water rushing under people bridge
Standing with rain splashing pages
Blotting ink words on every other letter I write
Black seeking its own new path on paper + H2O
I wrote the words & letters to release
To find myself
Found a part of the creek that could
Take my words, my fears and use
The currents of nature to allow them
To soak together
My words from my hand on paper I purchased
In water in a City in live in with
Beauty and busy-ness rammed together
Let the wetness of my ink blend with
The fibers of the wood
Float whatever
Way the current takes them
Let the molecules. Atoms. Adam
Our origins
Erode my words mesh
With the world
Seek my path
As I am
And I do
This Easter Morn
This Easter Morn
I feel reborn
I’ve discovered a peace
Few have known
The sun glides across my skin
This page
And shimmers over my kin
In distant homes
And here within my own
I see fibers and weaving I have not seen
And my world is both right in front
And distant as the infinite
Readers may suggest drugs to explain these words
Or a mind that is lost
Scattered marbles – I wonder myself
Yet, I am secure in the uncertainty…for the first time in my life
Those that read and understand
Know that no words, no writing
Can describe the shadows & light
The internal universes
Yet to discover
Discovering
Attaboy
The attaboys used to drive me
Used to be my everything
I would thirst for them
When received would look for the next one
Parents, bosses, peers, children
Make them responsible for my good feelings
No attaboy…fuck you…I will work harder
See how hard I work? No…harder, faster, deeper, stronger
No attaboy…why don’t you love me?
Soak attaboy in eat them up drink them deep
Got it
Next please
Now, they are received and accepted
Nothing more nothing less
Did something. Took an action. Sent an email. Made a presentation
It works for me? great…attaboy
I hit friction…okay…change course
Moment passes
New moment now
Relieve myself from the burden of attaboy
Accept myself
As myself
attaboy
To do
To do this
To do that
To do come as they should
To do get done when needed
Do not suffer their incessant begging
They will quiet their siren song
When you notice its existence
When you accept willingly
The check or slash
Will happen when necessary
No sooner
No later
To do get complete
In time
At the right time
All things in life get accomplished
Happen
When they should
No sooner
No later
Think you control it
Go for it
Try it
To do list eat you alive
The Gift That Keeps on Giving
Presence is an ever present present
The gift of the now
The only gift worth opening
And it is ever abundant
Only when you stop to realize it’s presence
Your opportunity to unwrap
Every moment
Every instance
You, the world, the universe reborn
Ready willing and able to be reborn
To you
When you stop
To notice
Open it once and you will have succeeded
Then, you will start to be able to open it repeatedly forever
Mere Time
“I wish I had more hours in the day…then I could get everything done”
Ever say that?
Spoiler alert: time is an illusion
A mind made construction
The evil maniacal ego trying to reign supreme
The only moment we have is this one
The one now
Right now
The one you are using to read this poem
The one you are using to read this. One. Word.
That word you just read. Past.
The word two lines from now. Future.
This word
Now
Is
All
We
Have
The
Only
Truth
What are you doing with it?
Are you here now?
No?
Wasted
Get Here Now
It’s worth it
It’s all you have
The Decision
With every blink of the eye we
Choose,
Accept and be present
Take an action in attempt to change
Leave and be elsewhere
No friction = yay!
More friction = start from the top
Progression
Rare
We know now what is most precious
Frequent
We squander the moment we have under our noses dreaming of a better future
Never again
We get to the end of our lives to realize we squandered it in search of that which we had all along
Dreams are like icebergs
the crystalline palaces of the future
sit above the water the struggle and
its vastness underneath the unknown, the unknowing actions
all we take
we navigate the waters
the current
the undertow
full against or full forward or slightly right/left
slipstream
inevitable
reaching the iceberg is not the destination
Though we Think it is
the swimming with and against the current is knowing
the difference is being ourselves
swimming with the current may take us to that iceberg
or
one we don’t yet see
swimming against is futile tiring and will force us to swim in place
The swimming, the currents, the movement
Nowhere
Now Here?
Internal Drugs
Our unrealized conscious seek drugs/feel the feeling/we know without knowing/temporary relief from our mind/Consciousness mirror image/With false soothe/Come down/a feeling we don’t know we know until we know it/as the feeling leaks into us through/smoke and/liquid calm and/peace/Temporary/Headaches, and hangover and withdrawal/We come down from our highs/Falls from Grace/only to realize that you want to exist there again
we can/recognize/The true high/The high inside ourselves/A feeling better than any substance provides/
any/time/we/want/It takes practice/Your payment…/Patience/Your payment…/Searching in the dark alleys of you/Start now/put down the needle, bottle, and pipe Distraction/we know the feeling/experience Signpost leading to destination/we will get there
Leave the shortcut
Take the Presence
Let your Consciousness abide
I am
I am
I am wolf
I am breath
I am guts and flesh and organs
I am grinding
I am a veil
I am animal
I am dressed
I am naked
I am of this world
I am beyond
I am feeling
I am substance
I am electricity
I am liquid
I am power
I am form
I am air wind water Earth
I am bird
I am chirping
I am dog
I am barking
I am silence
I am golden
I am green and silver and grey and blue
I am fog
I am pervasive
I am everywhere
I am nowhere
I am space
I am essence
I am dreams
I am real
I am solid
I am evaporation
I am within
I am without
I am in and up and through
I am
From No Thing
My mind raced hither and thither
Explored, mined, investigated
Fear of the abyss
Fear of suicide
Why for all these years
Haunted images
Dogs at my heels
Hounding me
Racing in circles
Chasing my tail
Then my loved ones would see me
Then I would be recognized for who I am
Finally
Knowing I wouldn’t get to experience their experience of seeing me
Sadness would cast shadows over their experience
A life I would not lead
Fear of it, fear of the exploration of it
Kept me from understanding it
Kept me from knowing it
Book said
When exploring, explore the fear
I did
My mind searching around every corner
Started floating started easing started meandering started strolling
Then it
Stopped
Void
Fear of losing form
Spoke the void
A light popped overhead
And fizzled
And it’s Sparks and light rained down on me
And drenched my body in electricity
Radiated down through
Apms and wattage burning bubbling churning
Body tingled buzzed hummed
Smile split my face in two
Knowing I stood
And so started my day
Interwoven
Upon hearing the words that the world is an illusion and I have no control
What will come to me is and always was supposed to come to me and it will leave when it’s time
Be a king with a pauper’s soul
Be a pauper with a giving soul
My Mind split in two
Saw observed thinker
Saw observed body
Felt the observer
The presence
Of me
Separate elements
Separate parts of one whole
Studied each separately
Realized I know my body
I know my thinker
The two of us have lived life together
Who is this new individual
Who is waking up
Who has walked with me my whole life
Dormantly guiding me in my best and worst moment
When the world seemed to align in perfect unison good and bad
Both points cast me along the path I am on
Benevolence
With the new one waking up to join the party
We are now becoming one
Mind
Hell on Earth
Our chatter
Mind mouthing off to us internal
At frightening pace
You can do this
You can’t do that
What an idiot
Who do you think you are
You’re the smartest person in the world
You’re a shitbag
Look at you and your
Clothes
Hair
Handbag
Feelings
Eye color
Nose and it’s position
Feet and their cockeyed toes
Beer belly
Stop
Don’t judge
Just witness
Deep Sigh
in
meetings
Family get-togethers
everyday life
family situations
breathe in a massive sigh
as if
struggling for breath
as if
I can’t catch my breath
as if
breathing-a thing I have forgotten
how to do
moment needed a gasp of air it was
noticeable
palpable
in a room at any given time
time deep grasping
trying to pluck the molecules from the air fill my lungs
something that was missing
realizing only now
I am subconsciously drowning
The Devil Inside
Buddha speaks of it
Jesus speaks of it
We idolize it as outside of ourselves
Our religion
The devil the tempter
Speaks in each of us
The devil
the thing we most identify with
That which we are proudest of
That which we say makes us who we are
Our mind
Our thinker
It is temptation
And suffering
It, we, chew and chew on a problem
Self-created
Ego out of control
Blame
Boast
Inadequate
Mythology religion created this other person
Outside ourselves
We have this bogyman
It is our ourselves
Our thinking
The one thing we call ourselves
The one thing we are identified most with
Preach
Hands in air
Swaying with the unseen rhythm
Dancing to the unheard song
Hearing the words
Strong in their quiet abundance
Preach Rao and Tolle and McAlister
Preach Buddha and Jesus and Muhammad
Preach Adyashanti and Wiest and Dass
Beyond religion beyond spiritualism
And both in one
We have heard the words for years
Seen the structures
Vaulted ceilings
Hovels with crosses
Temples
And stars
And synagogues
Preachers
And priests
And rabbis
And masters
Monks and sisters and brothers
Consciousness becoming available to the masses
Hear ye hear ye
The light in a business suit, power suit, pants suit
The light in White Collar black robes
The light in Copper and shaved head
The light in habits, and saris and hijab
Proselytizing where possible
Finally hearing the undertones
Frequencies we couldn’t recognize
For the trappings of the tangible
Undercurrents available
When we know how to feel them
Undercurrents becoming tidal waves
swaying with the unseen rhythm
Of words
And tunes
And voices
Egos suicide note,
Last night I planted a thought inside my head so dastardly so diseased that I couldn’t live with myself any longer. I loved everyone. I hope someday they will understand. I was afraid I would die.
I am sorry.
Ego
Where It Happens
Seekers never find
Do not seek
It will find you when ready
Live this moment as it comes
Let it go as it passes
The next one is here now
Role in Sand Castle Construction
On digging a moat
Roots hidden. Beneath snaking throughout
Dig more, find more roots snaking left and right
Follow the root to its source
Slowly
Carefully
Slide finger
Searching
On filling the moat
I will continue to get water
It will seep into the sand
Forever
Passing Moments
it will be filled
and we can notice it’s beauty
Then return to the water source
With our bucket
Happiness is in the continuous
Act of retrieving the water
Raindrop
Water falling on water
Plunking on surface
Breaking barrier
Bouncing ball
Twice
Then yielding
Bowing
Surrender
Compliment the lake
Wisdom
We know everything we need to know
every-last-one-of-us
We still have much to experience and become aware of
We cannot seek it or we will never find it
Be aware enough to notice it
When it is present
which is always
it is that simple
and that difficult
Public Service Poetry 